Experimental Bees Kidnapped from Neuroscience Lab!

1 January 2015

THE BEE-NAPPERS STRIKE

            Just when researchers at the Center for Neurosciences at Dundee University in Scotland thought it was safe to keep their bees at the University, someone kidnapped the poor insects.  Four hives of bees, worth about $5,500.00, were stolen in a carefully timed and executed operation.

 University of Dundee

            The lead researcher, Dr. Chris Connolly, checked the bees when he got to work one morning.  All were “present and accounted for.”  But, when Connolly began work, just 20 minutes later, the bees were gone.  With such a swift, neat, but unusual crime, it’s fair to guess that the bee-nappers had a good knowledge of beekeeping. 

            At the time, police were checking-out reports of two men driving a white van in the area around the time of the theft.  One of the men was reported to have been wearing a “beekeepers helmet.”  Apparently, no arrests have ever been made.

THE MOST POPULAR THEORIES?

            Intrigued by the mystery, I began reading press reports about the thefts along with speculation about the motives of the bee-nappers.   I was surprised by what seemed to be the most popular theories.  I'll present the three most popular theories below - in reverse order:

3RD MOST POPULAR THEORY: BLACK MARKET BEES

            Some seemed sure that the bees were stolen for sale on the honeybee black market.  But there’s never been a honeybee black market because the market for honeybees isn’t restricted in any particular way.  So, there’s really no need for a black market. 

            Black markets appear when supplies are artificially limited, sale prices are kept artificially high (often through high taxation), or the product is illegal.  None of these things has happened in the market for honeybees.

            There is a lot of talk about a bee shortage because of the large number of unexplained bee deaths throughout the world.  The deaths from the mysterious CCD (Colony Collapse Disorder) actually haven’t produced a shortage of honeybees for pollination in commercial agriculture . . . yet.  The concern is that, at the present rate of decline in bee populations, a real shortage may appear in the future.

            So there’s no real bee shortage from which to make a profit.  

2ND MOST POPULAR THEORY: THEFT ORCHESTRATED BY PESTICIDE MANUFACTURERS TO COVER-UP “THE SECRET”

            Others strongly argue that a consortium of international corporations engaged in the manufacture of pesticides hired two guys in a white van to steal bees from a research facility in Scotland because, presumably, researchers were “getting too close to discovering the truth” about the dangers of pesticides to honeybees. 

            Pesticides get a lot of attention as the villain in unexplained honeybee deaths both in the popular press and in scientific circles.  But, if you really think about it, there’s a piece of this puzzle that doesn’t exactly fit.

            A World Without Bees, written by Allison Benjamin and Brian McCallum is one of the most definitive, yet accessible, books on the current decline in honeybee populations.  The book’s authors explain that the “positioning” of pesticide manufactures in the agricultural marketplace actually takes some of the heat off of them as a primary cause of mass honeybee deaths.

            If you manufacture major agricultural pesticides, it takes years of sales to recoup research and development costs and make a substantial profit.  So, if your pesticide really kills pollinating honeybees . . . , well, for the corporate officers, board of directors, and stockholders, your “profit show” ends before it even starts.

            Also, the injured parties aren’t country farmers with 40 acres and a mule.  Modern agriculture is dominated by a small number of operators of multi-billion dollar agricultural conglomerates.  If you sell a pesticide that kills their pollinating honeybees, you’ve made “some powerful and influential enemies.”  Even large corporations don’t really want to be in cross-hairs of too many other large corporations.    

            Result?

            Most major chemical companies test and retest their agricultural pesticides for bee safety.  They also pay for independent testing because their financial survival depends on selling pesticides that are “pollinator safe.”  Most of the well substantiated issues with pesticide safety have more to do with the complexity of pesticide application in terms of timing and possible interactions with other unforeseen agents present in the environment.

            So, if pesticide manufactures knew “the secret,” they’d be yelling it from the roof-tops, because it would spread the blame to faulty application (failure to read the instructions) and “other agents” in the environment.   

1ST MOST POPULAR THEORY:  THE BEES WERE STOLEN BECAUSE THEY WERE GENETICALLY MODIFIED SUPER-INTELLIGENT BEES.   

            If you think I had to search for this one, you would be mistaken.  This was the only theory suggested in the earliest article announcing the theft and -- it turns out – one of the most popular.  But truth and popularity aren’t necessarily the same thing.

            The theory goes like this.  Because the bees were part of a neuroscience research project, the object of the project must have been to genetically modify the bees to make them super-intelligent.  And this, somehow, led to their disappearance.

            I only had to consider this theory for a moment before I realized that there was no other possible explanation.  I have all the evidence I need: I saw an episode of the television series the X-Files in the mid-1990’s that was . . . sort of . . . something like this – only without bees.  Based on the content of that completely fictional episode, alone, I feel absolutely sure that I, now, know the explanation.

            These genetically engineered bees developed a level of intelligence far superior to human beings.  Unfortunately, as they became more intelligent, they also developed a serious mental illness.  These bees became OCD – super controlling honeybees. 

            Before you underestimate the significance of this, consider the honeybee.  What is the most controlled and organized group of insects in the world?  Honeybees.  What happens when these insects, whose normal life is little more than “to control” and “be controlled” from birth to death, go insane and become super-controlling and super-intelligent? 

            You probably know some people who are concerned about a dystopian “New World Order” – a society in which freedom is gone and everything is controlled by some central authority.  Well, let me tell you, if honeybees get a hold of the NWO idea, they’ll take “total control” to a whole new level.

            Scottish researchers soon realized that they had produced the bee equivalent of Frankenstein’s monster, a strain of super-intelligent, but hopelessly insane honeybees.   Understanding the danger their bees posed to the future of the world, researchers, wisely, decided to kill these power-mad, control-freak bees.  But the super-intelligent bees got wind of the plan.  Several escaped and developed their own plan to free the rest of the colony. 

            Hiding in the lab one morning, a handful of escaped bees managed to free their compatriots.  They’ve, now, all moved to the North Pole and are living in their own “Fortress of Solitude” while planning the enslavement of every man, woman and child on earth. 

            (pause)

            Now, dear reader, what I’ve said above, about the “Most Popular Theory,” is supposed to be joke.  But, considering some of the speculation I’ve read, even in the mainstream press, I’m honestly afraid that many will find my theory and supporting “evidence” compelling.  I must remind some readers that an old X-Files episode isn’t evidence of anything.

            In fact, the “neuro-science” researchers were researching the effects of neuro-toxins, pesticides, on the bees.  This is an extremely common type of honeybee research.   

            I “free associated” the explanation, above, from a particular episode of the television show, The X-Files, “Eve,” Season 3, Episode 10, which aired for the first time on 10 December 1993.  It got good reviews, by the way.  It’s a fictional story about a group of human beings genetically engineered to have superhuman intelligence. 

            As a result of the genetic tampering, they all became hopelessly insane and were forcibly restrained in an institution.  Of course, a few escape and go on a homicidal rampage.  This is when the series’ star characters, investigating agents Scully and Mulder, become involved.

 The X-Files: Characters Scully and Mulder with two young "Eve's"

            But, leaving the world of sci-fi, this bee-napping still leaves us with a major mystery. 

A REAL MYSTERY

            The bee-napping has never been solved.  And, maybe, the strange speculation in the press was a reaction to the fact that it’s honestly tough to figure out a motive.

            The stolen bees were British Black Bees (A. m. mellifera).  Although a few of these bees are kept by amateur beekeepers, this subspecies of bees was believed to have become extinct in the wilds of the U.K. about 90 years ago.  The die-out was the result of disease.  

 British Black Bee (by Alvesgaspar)

            Instead of importing more British Black Bees from North America or Continental Europe, another bee, the Italian Bee (A. m. ligustica), was imported and continues to dominate beekeeping in the U.K. (and this dominance, later, spread throughout the rest of the western world).  

                                                           Italian Bee  (by Ken Thomas)

            Why?  Because the Italian bee proved much healthier and much more productive than the old British Black Bees. 

            So, consider the question:  Why would anyone want to steal 45,000 British Black Bees.  Yes, they were worth about $5,500.00 to the research facility!  But that figure doesn’t represent the value of these bees on the auction block – there are a lot of British Black Bees still around in captivity.  They aren’t expensive. 

            These particular bees were valuable because the researchers had invested a lot in testing this group and were in the process of conducting and observing test results at the time of the theft.  So, a new group of bees might have to be re-tested -- starting from scratch -- a lot of added expense. 

            Yet, another observation. 

            How many people actually knew the research facility even had bees? 

            If you wanted to steal the most valuable and re-saleable bees, you’d rob a local beekeeper of the hives in his or her bee yard.  Bee-napping from the research facility was complicated and presented more danger of getting caught.   Then, you end up with 45,000 rather unproductive bees that are of little use to modern beekeepers.   Not only are the bees unproductive, but sell for rather low prices on the general market as a “specialty” bee sometimes kept by hobbyists.

            And, if a local beekeeper bought these bees, there’s a good chance that, within a year or two, someone would notice the keeper's highly unusual stock of British Black Bees.  Then, questions would be asked – questions about the only known theft of British Black Bees in the U.K.  So, added to all the other drawbacks, these bees, found in the U.K., would attract attention and be . . . “traceable.”

            It’s been more than two years since the Dundee University bee-napping.  There’ve been no reports of arrests.  There’s no word that the investigation is still open.

            So, who kidnapped 45,000 bees from a reasonably secure facility at Dundee University early one Sunday morning?  And who completed the whole operation, without leaving a trace, in the space of just 20 minutes?

             There really is a mystery.

Mark Grossmann of Hazelwood, Missouri & Belleville, Illinois

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