18 December 2014
As a 21 year-old student, George Neal, parked his car in the
law-abiding community of Hampshire, U.K., he was suddenly overtaken by
car-jackers. But these weren’t your typical organized criminals or
desperate individuals. These were honeybees!
But
honeybees are insects.
How
could they steal a car?
Well,
what they lack in size, they make-up for in numbers. 20,000 bees
descended on Neal’s car just after he parked. What were they
planning to do with the car after they “subdued” poor George? Can
bees operate a motor vehicle?
I
don’t know. Maybe the bees hadn’t thought that far
ahead. Maybe they were planning to force George to drive the car for
them! That would have been a game-changer. Try adding kidnapping to the car-jacking
charge!
One
way or another, this story was headed for a bad ending. But quick
thinking by a friend, Rory Edwards, foiled the bees’ evil
plan. Calling animal control, a task-force specially trained to deal
with bee-related hostage situations (a beekeeper) arrived on the scene and
removed the bees.
The
criminal bee gang was headed by a bee named “Queen.” It is assumed
that she and her gang of worker bees had just rumbled with a rival gang in a
local hive. Losing the contest, she and her gang left the hive in a
swarm and went on a crime rampage throughout the city.
Experts
noted that this is a common pattern with bee gangs. It all starts
with a rivalry between two gangs in the hive. Typically, each gang
is headed-up by a queen bee. The gangs
rumble. The loser leaves the neighborhood with her swarm of gang members
(worker bees). The swarm goes looking for a new neighborhood where it
can establish another headquarters (hive). From there, the gang can
wreak havoc throughout the city.
ARE WE SAFE?
Mercifully,
George was safe and his automobile intact. But in yet another – all
too typical example of the complete failure of modern criminal justice -- the
queen and her gang were out on the street within an hour. They
weren’t out on-bond either. They were released without any changes
being filed!
But
how could this happen?! You’ve probably guessed
already. It was one of those -- all too common -- legal technicalities. It
seems that U.K. laws are written to apply to people and not to
insects. So, bees can roam in criminal gangs terrorizing honest
citizens with impunity. What will happen when this swarm lets the
air out of my auto tires or covers your home with toilet
paper? Nothing! They’ll be released to strike again!
You
can bet if you or I let the air out someone’s tires or covered someone’s
property with toilet paper, we’d be doing hard time. But, when
Queenie and her gang do the same thing – they walk (or, rather, fly) away free.
WHAT TO DO?
What
can honest citizens do? Well, establish a neighborhood
watch. Keep an eye out for any neighborhood insects sporting the bee
“gang colors.” What are the honeybee
gang colors? Yellow and black, of
course. If necessary you can get a beekeeper’s outfit complete with
head to toe netting.
But,
maybe, it’s time for more aggressive action. You can arm yourself
with a smoker. A smoker is a device the shoots large amounts of
smoke. And smoke will subdue even the wildest and toughest
bees. With a smoker in hand, you can boldly confront any swarm of
bees as they swagger around your neighborhood. Just blow a puff in
the air to let them know you mean business. If any try to swarm you,
just blow a puff of smoke over their heads. They’ll get the
idea!
Mark Grossmann of Hazelwood, Missouri & Belleville,
Illinois
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